thankfulness...day 75

WHEEEEEEEE....I have some sort of yucky upper respiratory infection.  I wish there was some sort of book I could buy called The 1,000,000 Questions You Will Have About Chemo at 2A.M. When No One is Around to Answer Them.  I am on maintenance now and I know that if I ran fever with regular chemo, I needed to call the National Guard...the Fire Department...and Professor Dumbledore...to conjure a patronus for me.  Now I am in this gray area...when I ask questions at my monthly appointment the answer is almost exclusively..."Do what any other NORMAL person would do."  So last night I finally fall asleep even with the 3 ton elephant who has taken up residence on my chest...only to wake about 30 minutes later with burny eyes, chills, and crampy legs.  I take my temp and sure enough...like magic it is exactly 100.5 (the magic fever temp listed in my chemo class as the temp needed to call for reinforcements).  So I sit in my bed scouring the Internets (my go to place for ALL information I need at midnight)...no luck...lots of info on the undecided uselessness of maintenance therapy in general...but nothing about when to call the doctor and when to wait it out.  So I finally decide to make the call.  I get the answering service...

Hello....is the the party to whom I am speaking?

Me: "pleasure to talk to you also...my name is Sarah (S-A-R-A-H) Atnip (A-T-N-I-P).  My doctor is Dr. Noelle Cloven.  My number is (555)555-5555."
Paul:  "Thank you sir.  I will have the doctor on call return your call."
Me:"Who is the Dr. on call?"
Paul:"Ummmmmm.....sir....Dr. Cloven seems to be on call.  Let me page HIM for you."
Alright so I let the sir go...because I do sound a little like a burly offshore doc worker and if Johnny Cash could be named Sue some other man could be named Sarah.  But I mean really if you are the answering service for a group of doctors should you know the sex of said doctors.  I have trouble putting my faith in an employee who believes NOELLE could be a man's name...even to simply relay my phone number.  I let it go...hang up and wait...I would be lying if I said patiently.  I was raised Catholic and I already feel guilty forcing my doc to call me back in the middle of the night when I am not even sure I was supposed to call.  An hour passes...my phone rings.
Paul: "Am I speaking with Atnip?
Me: "Yes."
Paul: "Oh good...Atnip...This is the answering service for Dr. Noelle Cloven...has HE returned your call?"
Me: "No SHE has not."
Paul: "Alright I will re notify HIM...click."
I wait another hour...the phone rings again...
Paul:"Arah...this is the answering service...Arah...has the doctor returned your call?"
Me: "No...not yet."
Paul:"Oh Arah I am so sorry I will connect you myself."
Very scratchy...obviously sleepy Dr. Cloven voice..."Hello."
My guilt kicks into overdrive at this point...but I say "Yes hello this is Sarah..."
No lie I hear the answering service person say...."OH.....SARAH....that name makes sense...Atnip must be his last name...click"

Long story short...(TOO LATE)...I was supposed to call...I had blood work done today...my WBC is low and I have started a bright and shiny new Zpak.  Hopefully I will feel exponentially better tomorrow...and for the rest of my life I will have to chuckle when I think of poor Paul.  However, without Paul...I might have had to dig deeper for my thankfulness.
Today I am thankful for the fact that ATNIP is a completely ridiculous name for a person...but SARAH is a completely plausible name for a man.
I hope others can find, read and get a small amount of pleasure from this post.  Also if anyone knows of the existence of my chemo question book...I would love to find it.  Catholic guilt is a bitch on any day but it is so much more impressive in the dark of night!
Love and sunshine
Sarah


Quote of the day:

One more thing...this video is HIGHlarious!