Thankfulness...Day 110

I know this skips a few days...but I have all the other days started...just not finished...story of my life.
Ha...that's funny...I am notorious for starting things and losing interest before they are compete.  UM...BTW cancer cells your obliteration is a project I intend to finish...so don't put your feet up...don't call your friends over to party.  I will keep fighting.  Some days are harder than others, but even on the hard days I still fight.  I posted a little request on Facebook and here are the responses I received!

                                                 

thanks you guys...I had already sort of decided.  The chemo grow was makeing me more and more disgusted.  So Away we go....

goodbye stupid looking brittle fine gray psychosis of its own hair.

Hello $6 rainbow hat from Walgreen's, and I have about 15 more that are all adorable, cute, and warm

So here is the finished project.  Nice huh.  This all leads up to my thankulness thought for today.

I am thankful that I have perfect circle head...no lumps, bumps, or odd freckles so I am happy to say I can rock bald.  I do have a small flat spot on the back of my head.  I think that might just be proof somebody dropped me on my noggin.  It would explain sooooo much.  So here I am again...bald and actually more comforted by what I see in the mirror than I have been in such a long time.  Kristen...I did this for you partially...I know how much you love a bald head!


to the moon and back my friends,
Sarah
pics of the day

before

another before..I could make my hair do stuff like this without gel.

after....yup I'm totally a sweet cute bald penguin.

wait...how did this get here...I am not Uncle Fester!

and here is a Pee Wee quote for good measure!

click on the words to find more of this artist!

here we go again...

al-righty my sweet friends who read this blog.  I had a treatment today and I had a dream last night that my CA-125 would be 45 then in the dream I reread the number and it was 145.  So I went into this treatment actually feeling hopeful.  I talked with Dr. Cloven, and that usually makes me feel better.  I had about 5 pages of questions to ask, because I have made a promise to my Maa that I will avoid looking to the internet for answers.  So I unleashed the litany on Dr. Cloven...
"will I be on Chemo forever? 
"Why do my hands and feet go to sleep and then wake up like I have lit them on fire?" 
"Have we ruled out remission as a goal?" 
"Why did it feel like someone was trying to pull my spine through my skin on Black Friday as I trued to enjoy a day of shopping?"  
Her answers:
"Yes...probably with a few chemo holidays...like weeks, or maybe months without a treatment."
"Probably residual neuropathy from the past chemo drugs...it could take years to resolve."
"Well you are technically in a clinical remission, because you are asymptomatic, but we know there are cancer cells present...and we probably will never get rid of all of them."
"Maybe it was your marrow trying to create new white blood cells...shrug."
So I go on my merry way to chemo...just knowing I am going to get a CA-125 that is so much lower than last time.  When I realize that I am almost finished with my infusion I ask my mom to get my labs for me.  I wait about 10 minutes...in truth I doze off a little...when I wake up my mom is nowhere to be found and I have almost drained my saline bag.  As I am being disconnected my Mom comes back in...I can tell by her face that she's been crying.  She places the paper on my side table and I read the number...469.  Really up another 150 points from last round?  WTH!  I know there are a ton of drugs out there and we WILL find one that works...but I just got a call from my doctor and she wants me to try at least one more round of this drug.  I mean I trust her and she has always done great things for me...but the thought of subjecting myself to 3 more weeks of a drug that my cancer cells scoff at seems pointless to me.  I don't want the nerd of all drugs that gets a swirly from my cancer cells...I want to send in the quarterback...the mean huge...quarterback bully...that will stomp the hell out of the renegade cells and send them packing.  
Oh well 1mt1mt...I can do this...maybe this drug is a slow starter...maybe next time my number will be 145.  All I can say for sure is...Today...I am above ground...and that in itself is something to be thankful about.  I met a man today who had the ENTIRE right lobe of his brain removed because of tumors....that was 15 years ago and he is still here.  After that surgery they didn't expect he would live a year and he is going to see his son graduate from high school.  When someone asked him how he was doing he said...
"Well, I'm above ground...so it's a good day."
I think I need to adopt that mantra...I'm above ground so today is good.
to the moon and back my friends,
Sarah
picture of the day:

Thankfulness...Day 106

I am thankful for the Bug...she is so brave...and she can work her way out of almost any situation.  She spent Thanksgiving night with her Maa, and was lucky enough to stay home alone while Maa was at Jazzercise.  Maa did all the right things.  She left her cell phone number with Robin...told her not to open the door...or answer the phone.  One thing she forgot...to turn on her cell phone.  Robin was playing with an exercise bike upstairs at Maa's house, and decided that she wanted to make the wheels stop spinning FAST!  She grabbed the bike chain, and because of how fast the wheels were spinning she got her finger stuck between the chain and the spikes that move the chain along.  Even typing that makes my hands hurt.   She is so amazing...instead of pulling her hand out...she realized she needed to roll the chain back to release her finger.  After her hand was free she knew she needed help so she tried Maa's cell...no answer. So she went next door to get help from a neighbor...the first neighbor wasn't home...so she tried the other side.  EUREEKA...those neighbors were home.  They are the sweetest family...mom and dad with three adorable girls.  Mom helped stop the flow of blood coming from my precious girl's finger.  Dad and one of the girls went back to Maa's house to find Robin's book...the other two sweet girls found books in the house for her to read until Daddy made it home with the Bugs book.  So sweet...and through all this, my sweet girl stayed calm cool and collected.  Even though no one could reach her Maa, she waited patiently for everyone to arrive home from Jazzercise.  
Once my Mom and Maa returned to find Robin gone and a note explaining that she was next door.  They made a speedy trip to the Care Now clinic.  Because she was bleeding...she did not have to wait.   She was quick to tell everyone that the bleeding had stopped...Mimi put a shhush on that one PDQ.  Later they talked about patients being seen in order of severity...bleeding always comes first.  If you are bleeding you get seen by a doctor much faster than if you have a cold.  So they went back and saw Dr. Joe...and he sewed up Miss Priss.  So 6 stitches later...my Bug is enjoying milking the injury and hoped that because it is her right hand she might get out of some homework.  No such luck...with three teachers in the family there will always be someone who can transcribe for her!
So today I am thankful for my daughter's ingenuity and my aunt's neighbors.
to the moon and back
Sarah
photo of the day:

I was featured...WHEEEEEE

I love the blog Landee See, Landee Do, and she did a series called "Festival of Trees."  I sent her my ribbon trees and SHE FEATURED THEM today.  I am beyond excited...please go check her out!

felt christmas tree garland tutorial

I am enjoying all this time I have...for the first time since I graduated college....I can make the things I see in my head...or on pinterest.  So here is another one.

Step one...buy stiff felt...since I decided to make Christmas trees I used dark green and yellow for the stars in between.

Step two...using a disappearing ink pen trace trees onto the green felt, and stars onto the yellow.  Cut out all the pieces.  If anybody has any ideas for how I can use the scraps please let me know.  I can't make myself throw out the remnants.

Step three...I started out punching tiny holes in the trees, but once I added the beads they didn't show through like I wanted.  So...just use a regular hole punch to make ornament holes in the trees.  I left the small holes at the edge of the second branch for stringing.  Use the small punch to make holes for stringing the stars also.

Step four...buy felt glue.  Any other glue will just be sucked into nonexistence by the felt.  This glue works really well.  Glue around the opening and place a clear bead in the opening. 

I enjoy all things multicolored so I used multicolored beads.  If you have a more monochromatic style choose whatever color beads you want.

Step five...use twine to string the trees and stars together.  It took five trees and six stars to reach across my mantle.  You can adjust the space between trees and stars based on where you want to put them and how many trees and stars you want to cut...punch...bead and string.

Here is the finished garland on my mantle.  Fun and simple...

Thankfulness...Day 105

Today I am thankful for stores that opened at midnight in honor of Black Friday.  I have been struggling a bit with insomnia...so this morning instead of trying to find something decent to watch on T.V. or starting yet another crafty project...I got to go shopping.  I woke up around 2:30 and wandered around the house until about 3:45...then I headed out to Target. Let me just say for a Black Friday, there were not an insane number of people tearing the store apart.   I asked the lady at the checkout if it had been busy and she told me that when they opened at midnight it was CRAAAAZZZYYY.  I was glad those folks had moved on to the next retail feeding frenzy.  So in an almost empty Target store, I wandered up and down each aisle...I spent quite a bit of time in the Christmas section because they had rainbow items galore...

I admit it...I stared at this tinsel for quite a while.

I was so focused on this ornament
I missed the gnome two pegs over!

rainbow knife set...I am officially in heaven 

this is a gift sack, but i plan on printing it as a 5x7 and
putting it in a frame on my mantle.

Here are the knives without the block.
This is the only way to see the blade.
Target locks their knives into the display block...
sad testament to the times...but really smart too!

I also took a spin around the toy section. I always love looking at the new complex toys released each year to keep this generation of children engaged.  I mean we had "Speak and Say" a "Rubik's Cube" maybe Tetris for our Game Boy...if we were lucky.  Kiddos these days have brains that travel at the speed of light.  Speak and Spell with his robotic voice and simple red and yellow color scheme, would be a joke to them. I have an entire folder on pinterest labeled...Remember when.  I would not trade my childhood for all the money in the world. I am thankful for the ability to see the wonder in simplicity.  To solve a puzzle..or make the sides of Operation, buzz and slightly vibrate my fingers.  Now everything has to be bigger and brighter and do a crazy something to be considered. Perfect example...I am now and will always be thankful for the floppy lump of blue fur and stuffing, named Grover that I received shortly after my brother was born.  It was disturbing to my mother that as she would nurse my brother I chose to nurse a blue monster, but I think he was then and still is my most prized possession. As I wandered the aisles at Target I found Grover...well Grover with a 21st century makeover...

 I love this toy.  I love super Grover.  I remember turning my Grover into super Grover using a hand towel.  I was forced to use my imagination to create something new.  With the purchase of this toy the imagining has almost been completed without the child.  This toy has various preprogrammed sayings...and amazing costume, and it is super soft to boot.  Don't get me wrong I had to use all my willpower not to purchase the new and "improved" version of my fuzzy blue friend.  I did walk on...knowing I had created my own super adventures, and those adventures had helped create the mind that gallops away with ideas everyday!  So i guess in addition to being thankful for the lack of crowds...I am also thankful for the simplicity of play when I was a child.

see...no cape...no helmet..just matted blue fur and
sharpie drawn blacks of his eyes.
This Grover has been with me for EVERY
step in my life....and that makes him super!

Sorry this is so rambly.  I have my thankfulness thought for Saturday, but I think I will wait until I can pull my brain together a little bit better before posting.  I hope everyone had a pleasant Black Friday.  Please leave me a commetn about your favorite childhood toy.  I would love to know more about the people who read what I write. 

To the Moon and Back,

Sarah

Thankfulness...Day 104

Today I am thankful for all the fantabulous things I have in my life.  I am so blessed.  I'm glad I started writing this blog...because on days unlike today I can use it to dig into the day and find something that made me smile.  Even on the worst day...where I feel crummy...or guilty...or just plain sad...I can always find something within that day that is worth saying thank you.

Today I don't have to look any farther than my shared DNA.  The only thing missing was my brother and his family.  I got to see my cousins, their husbands and wives and the beautiful children that make their families complete. 

We have all grown up together and into pretty amazing adults if I do say so myself.  In the last two years I have finally found my stride as a mother and it is great to watch my family members who parent so naturally.  So on a day built for thankfulness...I am thankful that I had a chance to check in with family members who are usually scattered across the globe (literally).  I hope everyone else enjoyed a day filled with...

family...

mashed potato cupcake...
frosting, butterscotch and a lemon starburst

Peas and carrots...
green frosting, skittles and orange starburst

food...

and fun.

                

To the moon and back,
Sarah
quotes of the day

I am ______________ because...

This is popping up everywhere. Ashley originally started it and I thought it was kinda fun. So, why not...I'll just hop right on the bandwagon.

I'm _______because.....

I'm Weird Because...

* I am obsessive about rainbow order.  I dislike Skittles because they say taste the rainbow but there is no blue.

* I have a tiny batman that travels with me.

* I love to eat peanut butter graham crackers with Iced Milk (milk with ice cubes in it).

*I cannot sleep with my toes covered...I can wear socks with the toes cut out if I have moisturized my feet, but those usually disappear before morning.

*  I can sit on the floor with my legs in front of me...reach out without bending over and touch my toes.

* Once my dentist told me that I got a cavity because I chewed too much on that side of my mouth.  Now I have to chew equally on both sides.  

* I have trouble with blending colors.  I like for things to match not blend.

* I quietly judge people who use poor grammar.

* I will talk around in circles forever trying not to end a sentence with a preposition.

* I have almost no toenail on my pinkie toe.

* after chemo if my stomach is really bothering me I will go soak in a HOT HOT HOT bath.

*It takes very little to make me happy...glitter...butterflies...lizards...even a smooth pebble can make me giddy.

I'm a Bad Friend Because....

* I am horrible about writing thank you notes...I am ALWAYS thankful.

* I hate talking on the phone.  I would much rather talk in person.

* I am totally ADHD...I try to listen and attend to the conversation, but I can't promise I will hear everything you say.  If I have something to add to the conversation I will be looping that comment in my head until it is my turn to talk. 

* Even if I make plans I may try to find a way to wriggle out at the last minute...don't let me!

* Sometimes I talk more than I listen...I am really working on this!

I'm a Good Friend Because...

* I love to laugh and make those around me laugh.

* I will do anything I can to help if a friend is struggling.

* My friends ARE my family and vice versa.  I love and cherish every single member of my family.

* I will welcome you into my house if you've had a bad day, offer you a cookie/ice cream bar and a hug!

* I love to give gifts...getting gifts is alright...but I love watching someone open a present!

* I will make  a BIG deal out of your birthday...even if you say you don't want it.  I can't help it I want to celebrate the days my friends were born.

I'm Sad Because...

* I have cancer

* Thanksgiving break is already half over.

* my precious daughter is 17 days away from being a teenager.

* sometimes guilt about things I CAN"T control consume my life.

* sometimes I struggle to refocus on the big picture...and it makes little things seem huge.

I am Happy because...

* tomorrow is Thanksgiving

* I crocheted two granny squares this morning.

* I don't have a treatment this week.

* in a few minutes the Bug and I will be decorating turkey cookies for the thanksgiving table.

I'm Excited for...

*COLD weather

*the Christmas program at school

* the Bug's robotics competition

* my CA-125 score...I get the first one since I started my new treatment on Tuesday.

* going to San Francisco in the Spring.

* finishing the patchwork blanket I started overt a year ago.