Thankfulness...Day 126

I've been thankful for this for several days...but I have been sort of preoccupied so I haven't gotten around to blogging about it.  I am thankful for this little chemo holiday.  I get to live without thinking about my CA-125.  I get to go weeks without stomach issues.  My hair is growing like crazy, and a wonderful woman at the Lash Lounge made eyelashes possible.  
Most of all...I get to feel like a productive mom again...I actually have the energy to focus on the Bug's homework AND classwork.  She might not be so thrilled about this...it means that she actually has to think about her work.  This month has also given me the opportunity to focus on her.  She is growing up and morphing into this beautiful young lady.  She is auditioning for a fine arts school...taking control of how she interacts with the kids at school...and making an effort to be a helpful productive member of our house.  Without chemo and the haze it brings...I have gotten to witness and enjoy all these changes.  We have traveled together by train...watched YouTube together...and learned to share my best friend.  She still sometimes chooses her room over time with me...but sometimes if I ask nicely we read together...or watch Big Bang Theory. 
I could really get used to these feelings.  I plan on fully enjoying the next week and a half...then I will go to MD Anderson and figure out where to go from here.  One of the most constructive things I have learned is that life without a plan is not always terrible.  This has been a month without a plan, and I love it.
to the moon and back friends,
Sarah
pic of the day

Thankfulness...Day 125

No need for silver lining today...the whole day is good.  The Bug let the pup out of my room when she got up so that she wouldn't wake me up...so sweet.  After everyone was up (Mimi and PawPaw included) we went on a short shopping spree.  The Bug is getting her new bedroom furniture this week and we had not picked out a mattress yet.  So off to Mattress Experts we go.  She found a great mattress...not too soft...not too hard...just right.  She could totally play Goldilocks.  After picking her mattress we stopped to get some earrings for my fuzzy head.  I am preparing for the eyelashes I am getting on Wednesday...if  I have eyelashes and can wear mascara again...I want sassy earrings to match.  We came home as a family and then Mimi and PawPaw headed out to the grocery store.  I would like to say I was uber productive during the time they were gone...but in truth I read my book (The Hunger Games) and napped on the sofa.    We ate a fabulous dinner as a family (salmon and quinoa salad), and now we are wrapping up the day watching Moneyball together.   I love it when I get to spend quality relaxed time with the people I love.   Good night all!
to the moon and back my friends,
Sarah


pics of the day

Thankfulness...Day 124

Tonight my silver lining is threefold...
1. I am home safe and sound...and I will be sleeping in my amazing bed!
2. The bug took a huge leap outside her comfort zone and made new friends this weekend.
3. I got to spend relaxed quality time with my favorite couple...and their adorable dog!


In summary...a great weekend filled with wonderful food, friends and fun!
to the moon and back,
Sarah


pic of the day:

this was a great trip...AMTRAK!

Robin really wanted a pic of this pigeon!

wait a minute...put my gnomie down!

outdoor shenanigans!

I meant to share some of these pictures before now...but life seems to keep me from completing some tasks.  So now almost a moth after the fact I am going to share some of the memories I created the day after christmas!
Enjoy!

he's a little difficult to catch with a camera!

it was so fun to watch them run all over and play together.  Sliding down the slides...squeezing into kiddie cars...squeezing into tire swings...riding the tricycles even if one of them did bang her knees over and over again...Mimi even planked for us! The nephew chased the Bug everywhere.  She was a great sport and seemed to enjoy engaging in some good old fashioned horse play!  It was such a great day...I hope to enjoy more of these. 

goober!

look at that smile!  I melt!

Thankfulness...Day 123

Let me start by saying I am not a person who believes I am better than anyone else or thinks that I deserve different treatment based on who I know.  With that being said today I am very thankful that my parents know people who are willing to ask for special treatment.  I made an appointment at MD Anderson for February the 7th...I knew that I would have to delay any type of treatment until I had this appointment.  The fact that my appointment is almost a month away placed a knot of worry solidly in my belly.  Since my diagnosis I have not gone more than three weeks without having chemo...and that was when they were infusing the big drugs.  Now here I sit with no toxic materials coursing through my veins and instead of feeling blessed and at ease for the break...I am tense and extraordinarily worried.  So my Dad has contacts...he had some strings he could pull and pull them he did.  Yesterday I had a name and a telephone number for a board member at MD Anderson.  I called today and she called on my behalf.  SO far I still have the same appointment date, but at least the wheels are squeaking in my favor.  I need all the good juju I can muster sent to the powers that be in Houston.  It would alleviate lots of worry for lots of people if they could find a spot for me before the 7th.  No matter what I have done all I can do to find the best treatment option...find the newest way to seek and destroy all the nasty cancer cells in my body.  That's all I wanted to say...even though I don't like asking for special treatment...I am elated that there are people who love me and have no qualms asking if there is any way I can go first!
love you guys to the moon and back!
Sarah

Thankfulness...Day 122

I had a CT scan yesterday, and I decided it was time for me to try doing some of the routine things on my own.  I went to the office.  I drank my banana flavored barium.  I was called to the back and prepared for the scan.  Everything was exactly the same as every other scan...one change...they took 4 scans...then they asked me to cross my hands over my chest.  It sounds morbid but it felt very dead person in a coffin stance...so I was thoroughly creeped out.  As I lay there arms across my chest...what went through my head was...I need my Mommy.  I thought I could be brave...but I really wish I had asked my Mom to be here.  Well we wrapped up the scan, and I made my way out to the waiting room.  Silver lining of this day...sitting in waiting room was my mother.  She is the most amazing woman.  She listens when the doubts and fears of this disease get to be WAY too much for me to handle.  She is watching her daughter go through some creepy...scary stuff.  She has never missed a chemo...she insists on being the one to sit by my side.  The one to hold my hand then that is what I need.  The one to pull me up off the floor of my bathroom when I feel like everything is too much.  She pushes me...but she listens when I need tenderness and motherly love.  Most importantly she is there when I am scared...even if I have said I don't need her...she is still there waiting for me in the waiting room...waiting to give me a hug and prove that I will never have to do any of this alone.  So today my silver lining is my MOTHER! 
to the moon and back friends,
Sarah
quotes of the day

Pay it Forward in 2012

For the first 12 people who comment below, I will send you something handmade (one per month of 2012). If you want to continue to pay it forward, you can repost this on your own blog or facebook page to give to your first 12.

I realize that 12 seems like a lot. But I plan to space it out and ship one package/gift per month,
in the order of the comments.

If you'd like to be one of my "twelve", please post in the comments below. And be sure to post your email
so I can follow up for your shipping address!

12 months; 12th year in the new millennium 

Thankfulness...Day 121

Happy New Year everybody.  2011 was a tough year in some ways, but in others I have been so blessed.  I have been able to watch my daughter and mother start to repair their relationship.  There was a time that I thought they would never know the other in the same way I do.  I see the wonder...imagination and whimsy in my daughter.  I also see the undying love...selfless generosity and amazing sense of humor in my mother.  Finally...they are enjoying these traits in each other. 
My treatment process has been long and arduous in places.  However without the length and uncertainty of this process I would never have been able to give in to a higher power.  I have heard several times..."You plan...God laughs."  I am truly starting to embrace this quote.  Some days this works better for me than others.  I like answers and with cancer the only definite you get is "NO."  You get an answer when something doesn't work...as long as it's working just keep plugging along.  2012 marks a start to another unknown.  I will be using a drug not yet approved for ovarian cancer...and possible getting another experimental drug...possibly getting the placebo.  I read all the important parts of the "informed consent" and avoided the paged of side effects.  Much like the side effects listed on a package of Advil...NO ONE would ever take the pill for a headache.  I figure I can be informed enough to know that what we have done so far hasn't worked...so it is time for something new.
2012 is the Bug's first year as a teen...hopefully we will navigate those murky waters as well as we have navigated our lives thus far.  We scoff at normal...Norman Rockwell may not have painted a portrait resembling our family...but it works for us.  
So to sum up...2012 is the year I hopefully surrender to God's plan...enjoy parenting a teen...live everyday ...and enjoy the ride.  
to the moon and back my friends,
Sarah