When to push forward...

when to pull back.  This constant battle...I think sums up teen parenting.  I want to give the Bug some independence, but I also want to help steer her away from scary bad things.  She started a new school last week and it is so different not being in the same building with her.  Our first year here...if she needed a pencil...forgot her lunch...needed help with her math (yeah right)...I was there.  For her 5th level year I was out of commission, but my aunt and my mother were there to help her.  Sixth level...she started to pull away.  She would vacillate between wanting to be able to blame me when something was missing...and pushing me away when I would try to step in to help.  She wanted me as a scapegoat for mistakes, but wanted to bask in the glory of successes on her own.  I was used to a level of comfort and a level of intel from her teachers.  Sometimes I think they might over share...because I was in the building.  The line between peer and parent gets VERY blurry when people are colleagues.

Like I said this year starts a brand new chapter.  The Bug chose a summer reading book about a girl that moves around quite a bit with her Dad. With every move "Beth" recreates herself, and starts over.  The Bug told me she really identified with "Beth."  So I get that she wants to start fresh with her new school.  She gets twitchy when my Mom and I ask questions about her day.  I know now that the school website kicks serious heiney, so I really don't have to ask her very many questions. Everything is on the website for me to see.  I had a choice to get progress reports...daily...weekly...or not at all.  The lesson plans for every class are posted, along with the homework. There is a roster for each class.  I almost felt a little intrusive...finding out so much information without exchanging a word with the Bug.
  

The biggest struggle right now is finding balance.  If I show up too early to pick her up...it "embarrasses her...I mean I'm piddling MOM and you are right there!!!" Well pardon me.  Notes come home about her needing a folder for a couple of classes...try touching base about the folders. "MOOOOOOOOOM please don't come to my school and ask a bunch of questions.  I have it under control." She had homework over the weekend to finish, and I let her take her time over a couple of days getting it finished.  She comes bursting into my room..."MOOOOOOM what in the world is a Fire Blanket?!?"  I asked her what she thought it might be.  "Well....I guess it might be a blanket to help with fires?"  She was willing to accept help on that one.  I think I will be executing this intricate balancing act for quite a bit longer, but I know it could be sooooooo much worse.

why exactly does the boy HAVE to dress up like a girl?
Vintage illustrations....sooooo funny.

Any hints to raising a teenage girl?
To the moon and back,
Sarah

  

Thankfulness...day 102

I seem to have stumbled a bit this week on the thankfulness.  I did post a tutorial on Monday...but I haven't posted my thankfulness thought all week.  Don't worry I have been thankful, just haven't taken the time to type it out.  I think my laptop has felt a little neglected...I have been crafty my little brain out!  So here I am catching everyone up on the things for which I am thankful.
Monday - Sleep...I fell asleep early...so I was awake early...but I slept a dreamless, blissful 6 hours.


Tuesday - My mom...specifically her willingness to go see "Breaking Dawn" with me even though she hasn't read any of the Twilight books.  She asked a few questions, but I'm sure she held about a thousand question without asking.  Of all the movies this is one that makes very little sense if a person has not read the books...or at least seen the other three movies.  She seemed to enjoy some of it.  She is also an amazing caretaker.  This new treatment leaves me fuzzy brained and light headed for several days.  She is great about waiting on me when i need to take an extra minute to help my head stop spinning.  She offers an arm if I am too unsteady to walk on my own (this doesn't happen very often).  She is an amazing, mother, cheerleader, Pollyanna, shoulder on which to cry, teacher, sister and Mimi.  She is funny without trying, innocent without seeming ignorant, passionate about the people she loves, and willing to defend her opinion without backing down...even if she is one of the few in the room with a particular opinion.  I was very lucky to be given such an amazing woman as my mother.  Even better than be blessed to have her as my mom...now that I have grown up (mostly) I get to have her as a friend also.  So today I am thankful for you Mommy!  You raised me...and you talk about how brave you think I am...how much grace I have displayed during this whole process...I worried that I wasn't strong enough to fight this disease, but you believed in me.  So thanks...for giving me the confidence I need and all the other tools on a daily basis, to wage a war that will give me back my life!
to the moon and back,
Sarah
Pics and quotes for my mom

Thankfulness...Day 89

Today I am thankful for guests in my home.  I don't care if they are announced or unannounced guests...I love when people come and visit.  Today the other teacher's assistant in my classroom came over after work.  She is a breast cancer survivor and she is also very similar to my Mom.  It is great to have her around to pull me up by my bootstraps when I am not quite strong enough to do it on my own.  
Can you guys keep a secret...she is an amazing, sweet, loving lady.  SHHHHHH....don't tell anybody.  She has worked hard to get many in the world to believe that she is a total hard ass...but I know the truth.  She always has a kind word for me at the exact time that I need it.  She says she feels lucky to have me in the classroom with her.  She also says she can't tell when I feel bad after a treatment.  It's nice to hear those things, especially when I feel I don't cover my icky feelings very well.  Plus she has the perfect Mom voice to keep me in line if my biological Mommy happens to be out of town.  
So there you have it...I have new chemo tomorrow...but today I am thankful for a visit from just the right friend.  Thanks
to the moon and back!
Sarah

quote of the day

thankfulness...day 70

Today I am thankful for my computer and my mom.  I have chemo today (BLAH)...but I also get to spend some quality time with mi madre and also spend some quality time with my macbook.  

the love affair I have with this machine is so fulfilling!

I found Reese's Rainbow during chemo two cycles ago...

yuppers...I'm a link go on...click me, you know you want to!!

and I always find awesome stuff on pinterest. So today shouldn't be any different.

and here is a link to the most amazing virtual bulletin board on the interwebs!

  
Hopefully I will get some answers from my doctor about my mystery bruises...the pain in my hands and feet...the pimples that appear all over my scalp one week post treatment...and the nausea that I am not supposed to have but do anyway.  I will also get my FMLA paperwork filled out and ask about a handicap tag (I still don't think I deserve one...but my mom and dad want me to ask anyway).  I just have to remember 1mt1mt...this will all be over soonish (April...I will be chemo free!!!!!!!!!)  Have a great day friends!
love and sunshine
Sarah


quote of the day...must remember this!