3056...there it is in print. Done with it. What next?
Well...I get to try a couple of new meds. They will be very much like the first meds I took. I will stay on Avastin...because to quote the best doctor ever. "Sometimes when people go off Avastin and stay off for a while there is an explosion of cancer growth." Alrighty then Avastin stays...because this girl is absolutely NOT in the mood for an explosion of any kind especially cancer. I will add gemzar and cisplatinum. I will have treatment two weeks in a row and then have a week off instead of doing one infusion and having two weeks off. Again to quote my doc..."cisplatinum is an older version of the platinum drugs so it is more toxic. We split the treatments to split the toxicity. Split the nausea." Wheeeee....back to nausea that needs splitting. May need neulasta...and all the body and bone aches that come with that.
So there it is in black and white for me to see...for all the see really. I think I needed the trials I had on Monday so that when I heard the news I had to hear yesterday I didn't rip apart at the seams. It is just another step. 1MT1MT...as long as I get to be here and se my Bug grow up I am happy. I will only put this out there to get other people's thoughts. Wow...I can't even figure out how to say it. If I feel like crap all the time...if I am in bed and miss the growing that is happening...am I gaining anything? Don't get me wrong...I will take life any way I can get it...but I am NOT looking forward to being where I was a year and a half ago. I will have to work on redirecting my mad, sad and scared feeling to strong, fighter, sunny, bright thoughts. I'll let you know when that transition happens.
Today I am thankful that I am going to Amarillo in 2 days. I will be traveling Route 66 with my top down in 2 days. I will be spending quality time with my all time favorite person in 2 days. I will be seeing Cadillac Ranch in 2 days.
Goodnight friends...love you to the moon and back,
by the way...I tried to film a vlog...but it said it would take 586 minutes to load...can anyone help me understand this? I finally gave up and went to bed last night without getting anything posted. boo!