Saturday, January 7, 2012

Thankfulness...Day 122

I had a CT scan yesterday, and I decided it was time for me to try doing some of the routine things on my own.  I went to the office.  I drank my banana flavored barium.  I was called to the back and prepared for the scan.  Everything was exactly the same as every other change...they took 4 scans...then they asked me to cross my hands over my chest.  It sounds morbid but it felt very dead person in a coffin I was thoroughly creeped out.  As I lay there arms across my chest...what went through my head was...I need my Mommy.  I thought I could be brave...but I really wish I had asked my Mom to be here.  Well we wrapped up the scan, and I made my way out to the waiting room.  Silver lining of this day...sitting in waiting room was my mother.  She is the most amazing woman.  She listens when the doubts and fears of this disease get to be WAY too much for me to handle.  She is watching her daughter go through some creepy...scary stuff.  She has never missed a chemo...she insists on being the one to sit by my side.  The one to hold my hand then that is what I need.  The one to pull me up off the floor of my bathroom when I feel like everything is too much.  She pushes me...but she listens when I need tenderness and motherly love.  Most importantly she is there when I am scared...even if I have said I don't need her...she is still there waiting for me in the waiting room...waiting to give me a hug and prove that I will never have to do any of this alone.  So today my silver lining is my MOTHER! 
to the moon and back friends,
quotes of the day

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