Sunday, August 26, 2012

Filling My Bucket

Next week I get to fall under the chemo rock for a little bit, but this weekend I get to fill my bucket with thoughts, laughs, hugs, and other amazing things to help me be strong and keep fighting.  We celebrated my Dad's 65th birthday as a family...we ate hot dogs...sang an out of tune version of "Happy Birthday," and we ate amazing cake.  
I made a video that I will link below.  It is all about positivity.  For the last week I have struggled with the positive side of my life.  I can usually find a joke hiding in whatever is holding me down.  Last week nothing seemed funny.  I was crabby with the people who love me the most...and I was hypersensitive with the Bug.  My chemo has made me tired...really tired.  The blood cells that help my blood clot are if I blow my nose too forcefully I get a lovely nose bleed.  I am bruising like a peach, and my stomach didn't start feeling better until yesterday.  Even now...I am struggling with digging a  joke out of that steaming pile of YUCK! 
Whatever...I am not making this blog for is to remember there is ALWAYS a shovel.  Sometimes my hole feels too deep and too dark to dig my way out.  This week was one of those times. Then I found my family will always be my shovel.  It is impossible to be sad around my niece and nephew. They are 4 and 18 months and filled with the type of energy possessed only by small children and maybe adults on meth.  No matter...They helped me come out from under my rock.  I might have needed to go to bed after each visit, but I wouldn't trade any piece of this weekend for the world.  
So in summary...if you can't find a way to pull your chin up...let it stay down for a little bit.  I'm not talking about a full blown pity party...but not ALWAYS having your own drum out to lead a parade is just fine.  
For now I am I surrounded by family and I am soaking up all the love and laughter I can handle.  That way, maybe I can avoid a bed ridden pity party.  Have fun this something you wouldn't usually do.  
To the Moon and Back


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