Saturday, October 1, 2011

Lungs...who needs lungs

Robin and I had planned to go to Austin this weekend.  They have the newest installment of "Cows on Parade" on display until October 16th.  I have chemo on the 8th so this was the last weekend I would feel up to going.  

Well last week I spent some quality time at my house instead of working because I had bronchitis.  
I thought I was on my way to feeling better, but I couldn't shake the cough, so on Thursday I got a nebulizer and some albuterol.  I did three breathing treatments throughout the night between Thursday and Friday, and my lungs felt better...even if my legs did feel a bit like jell-o.  
I was still planning my trip and writing out lists for what I would need to pack.  By Friday afternoon I was a big pile of grouchy and so tired I could barely keep my eyes open.  I had to make a decision and I REALLY didn't want to make it.  Then Robin piped up from the backseat on the way home from school.  

"Mom, we can always see the cows online.  I really wanted to see them, but I care WAYYYYY more about your health.  You don't sound so good when you don't do that breathing I think we should stay home so you can get really well."
Sometimes I forget that I am the parent and it feels like she is parenting me.  I know every time I have a sniffle she gets worried.  She has told me about her anxiety about me ever having to go back to the hospital.  I try not to let her see how bad I feel.  I try to be strong for her, but I guess she is more tuned in than I think.  I think she sees through it when I put up a strong front.  We have been together too long for me to fool her.  People say that they don't know how i fight this disease and keep such a positive attitude most of the time...the word hero has even been tossed out a couple of times.  I'm not a hero!  I am just a mom trying like hell to stick around for the real hero.  Robin has been dealt a pretty crappy parent deck.  One that doesn't come around very often...and one that ended up with stage IV cancer.  Even with that she is loving...compassionate...wise beyond her 12 years...and strong beyond my 35 years.  She has so much on her plate and she deals with it so gracefully on most days.  I really need to remember that little voice telling me that my health is more important than a trip to Austin, the next time preteen hormones rear their ugly head.  
So I am spending the weekend at home...taking breathing treatments every 5 hours, watching movies with Robin, playing on and taking and naps in between.  All in all I think it is a pretty great way to spend a weekend.  Thanks Robin
love to all

Quote of the Day...for Miss Robin

No comments:

Post a Comment