Thursday, August 4, 2011

Thankfulness...Day 54

Hello blog I am thankful for clear PET scans!  I know yesterday's thankful thought was an excercise in NON-thankfulness...but today is better.  I am seriously considering going to an al-anon meeting.  I have been somewhat hesitant to attend an ovarian cancer support group, because with all the positives...I am afraid people might also share some scary things that I am not fully prepared to hear yet (i.e. I went into remission but 1 month later here I am in chemo again!).  I have read a few al-anon daily reflection type books and I agree with all I read.  I think I could probably sub cancer for alcohol in any situation there.  I would be honest with everyone there about why I am in attendance and hope they would accept me. I need support from people who feel as powerless as I do...and I think al-anon might be the place to find those people minus scary cancer reccurence stories. 

I also had an epiphany last night.  I think I enjoy teaching as much as I do, becasue I like to feel in control of SOMETHING.  I am the mother of an on the verge of teen years girl...I have cancer...ummm...yeah that's I was clinging to the control I could exert in the classroom by the tips of my fingernails.  I loved that I could make the plan for everyday of the week.  This is what we will do in art...this is what time we will have circle...this is what time everyone will try to use the potty.  It really didn't matter to me that by the light of day and presence of children my plans would fall to pieces. 
I could even end up with this painted on the rear of my pants and hold it together.

I had exerted control over something in my life and it was good.  I think that was the main heartbreak in surrendering my classroom teacher role for this year.  That one tiny shred of control was my life raft!  So now I think I may make a crafty plan for each week with Robin.  I think my aunt and I will be experimenting in the kitchen on Monday nights (I think a lesson plan would work for those two things).  If I have learned anything on this journey it is that it is sometimes necessary to flip a situation and make the negatives positive.  Without the full weight of classroom teacher on my shoulders...I can take some time and learn how to be a non disaster in the kitchen...I can make use of my evenings doing fun things with Robin.  So consider this negative FLIPPED!

So in summary...I am thankful for clear PET arrivals at a FANTABUOLUS resort...a hotel room that overlooks the waterpark...and all the unexpected blessings that will be coming my way over the next few months! 

Quote of the day:
so true...I look harder now and there are too many gorgeous things to count!

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