today I am thankful for perspective.
Robin wanted to watch the movie "Soul Surfer" so that's what we are doing. This girl lost her arm to a shark and it caused a huge shift in her life. I am finding that no matter what causes the loss, the grief and doubt is very similar. I think I have spent alot of the last few months wondering what the possible plan could be for me. There are so many things that I had to give up...my ovaries...my appendix...a piece of my colon...my ability to have a ponytail...my classroom...but finally I can see some of the things I have been given. An opportunity to work with a great teacher and great friend....a closer healthier relationship with my daughter...a rockin' short do...life free from the worry of accidental pregnancy. I'm not to the acceptance part of the grief process yet...but I can see something positive in all the mess. I still ask God questions...lots and lots of questions. I talk more to God in general these days. No answers...so far...but I'm always looking and listening for something.
People ask sometimes why I don't go to an ovarian cancer support group. One reason is that the average age for this type of cancer is around 65. I can't really see me sitting up in the middle of a quilting bee conversing about what makes chemo difficult for me. That sounds so awful...but I'm also afraid of what I might hear. I look to the internet for info sometimes and am terrified by the stories I find. I don't want to open myself up on a weekly basis for a new set of terrifying stories. My aunt suggested that I look into al-anon. That could be another group of people with the unique loss skill set to help me understand the larger picture. I think the key isn't having the exact same type of loss...it is just having a loss in general and the ability to empathize with the people around you. I think I might be finding a way through all this. I'll keep you posted!
Quote of the day...from the movie "Soul Surfer"
"I wouldn't change what happened to me, because without it I wouldn't have this chance. This chance with all of you...to embrace more people than I ever could have when I had two arms."