I have been spending some time working on my personal attitude. I am sad to say I haven't made much progress. The most troubling feelings I can't seem to get in hand are guilt, anger and a nagging feeling that I am not doing all I can do at work, home and to battle this disease. Don't worry I have plenty of people who let me know how silly the guilt about work is...I have people who make me laugh when I would much rather punch a wall...and I have a home that generally is my getaway from all the things that make my brain spin.
Yesterday I had a bit of a come apart. I finally realized I will be missing one day of work every Friday...and maybe Monday if I can't get my head on straight before then. Our classrooms depend on all three people in them pulling their weight. If one person is absent their weight must be pulled by one of the other two remaining people. It is troublesome to know that you are putting people in a place to pull your weight on a VERY regular basis. The team in our classroom are amazing women. They would never EVER complain...or try to make me feel guilty about taking care of my disease. I think they might like me a little and want to keep me around. Still, the feeling nags at me. If anybody has any tips about dealing with guilt, I am all ears.
I used a picture yesterday..."Be an Optimist Prime...Not a Negatron." I am really working on the optimist part. Yesterday was totally a Negatron day. Hopefully I will be able to turn into Optimist Prime today. I am thankful to have such an understanding group of women at work...I may lack hormones...but I am still a hot emotional mess...and they handle it very well. I have Lorraine to make sure I know the guilt is all in my head. She feels God put her in a classroom with me for a reason...she isn't sure of the reason...I'm pretty sure it is to be my personal cheerleader...well and to kick my patootie when I need it. I Kristen to offer that if she ever had to have cancer that it would be nice to have cancer with me...talk about how we will sell our respective houses once she is a widow and our children are off living their oh so successful independent lives...buy a little bungalow and be little old ladies together. I think it meant more that she believes I will be here to be a little old lady with her then it did that I have a roomate for my golden years. So with two Optimist Primes in my classroom with me...I should be able to get all these Negatron things in hand and be back on the positive path!
To the Moon and Back,
Things to Make You Laugh...I hope
|Who invited the herbivore? I brought hummus!|