Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Thankfulness...Day 87

Well it looks like today will be another day I chalk up to really looking for my thankfulness.  I am determined to find something...but right now I'm struggling a bit.  

I had surgery last week...laproscopic surgery to look for any residual cancer cells.  I knew before I left the hospital that my doc had found cells.  I think I posted about that last week.  Today I had the appointment to talk about what we are going to do about the cells she found.  I love how everything turns into a "we." What are "we" going to do.  Last time I checked I am the one with this ginormous pain in the ass disease, but still I get to hear everyone say "we."  That sounds so bratty.  Oh well,  I think I have earned at least a little bit of bratty.  So "we" decided to cease with the taxotere...since it is OBVIOUSLY not doing diddly to the cells left all up in my abdomen.  "We" are going to try a new drug called Topotecan.  I actually like saying the name, because I love Topo Chico and I hope this drug Topote-CAN get the cancer out of my body! 

This new drug is given once a week for three weeks and then I get a week off.  The infusion shouldn't take very long and I think I might try having my infusion in the morning and then head into work for the rest of the day.  I haven't tried that yet and the only side effect listed for this drug is fatigue.  So getting to sleep in on the day of my treatment might be nice.  I left my appointment felling a bit fragile.  I was glad to have my mother with me and I was even happier to be picking Robin up from school on our way home.  I am blessed enough to work in the same building where Robin goes to school, so I arrived at school right as the staff meeting for my school was finishing up.  That was the last straw.  I lost it.  Seeing all those people who are praying for me...all my friends...my extended work family...was too much.  I broke down...pros of losing it at work.  I got about 15 amazing hugs...you know the ones...the ones that last at least 30 seconds...where the other person is sincerely trying to absorb some of the pain you are feeling.  I got 15 of those.  And there it is.  I knew if I started typing I would stumble upon my thankfulness.  I am thankful for whole body hugs...I think they did absorb some of the sad.  They absorbed enough of the sad for me to be almost normal by the time my sweet daughter was released from homework club.  She is worried enough...I don't need to add to her worry by sobbing as she leaves school.  

So now I face the coming weeks, armed with a new attack plan, and my support system in tact.  Thanks for reading

to the moon and back

Quote of the day

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